My friends, they love my intelligence
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
