so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
