If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
