You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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