You really coming over, don't trick.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
