I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
