This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
