apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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