I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
