but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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