Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Text me some of your sweat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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