he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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