I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
false alarm, still single
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
