I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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