Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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