I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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