A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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