thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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