Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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