your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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