1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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