So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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