Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
