i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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