Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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