distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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