All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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