Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
