Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
