piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
