who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
