one two three fourrrrnication!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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