The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
