When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We are two peas in an std pod
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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