I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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