I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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