Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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