i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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