I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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