thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
