I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
