Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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