did you get engaged???
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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