im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
