i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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