so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
