turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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