The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
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I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.