i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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