how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.