I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize