i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
