I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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