Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's never too late to be topless.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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