I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
