I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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