I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
