Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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