On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
