I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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