There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
