don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
