i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
