dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My hand turned me down
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
