i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
