This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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