If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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