im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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