Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
