i always forget guys have bellybuttons
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
