And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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