I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
