This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
