32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
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Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
my liver is dry heaving
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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