I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
