My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
