Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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