this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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